Not His..Not Mine Anymore....

Are you looking at the same moon as I do??

I don't really know why suddenly so emo...
but i really felt something when i received
e-mails or msgs that have anything to do with couple...

Today I received an e-mail from a friend

titled "How u know when a person fancies u"...

I'm kind of down when i read that e-mail...

because those were the things that I used to do....

Those were the things that he used to do...but not anymore...

We've become like strangers...but what i can tell is that

he is a stranger that i'm know well....

It's not that i know everything about him...

it's just that I couldn't forget how close we used to be...

Those nights when we used to hang on the phone....

Those arguments when it used to happened

because of me....I admit, i was childish...haha...

but he will always said that it was his faults...

Those laughters when we used to have when

i don't even know why we laughed...haha

Those nights when we don't even talk about anything important...

but yet we can talk for several hours...

Those nights when u used to play the songs....

and we together listened to it...

because we have nothing better to say....

Those nights...when we end up saying "Good Night, Sweet Dream"^-^

Those nights when u don't call me anymore......
Those were the nights where i used to calm myself down...

Persuade myself...convincing myself...that u are not the same...

That u already have someone else....

That U r no longer mine...and I'm no longer yours...

I know...and have already accepted the fact that

he and I have really came to an end last year...

but...I'm always caught with problems...

that i thought i can still share with him...

Last time...when i was down...

he will do anything just to make me smile again...

but he is not like that anymore...

I know...I know...I really know...

and Already accepted this fact that he's not mine anymore...

I'm not his anymore...yet I always wonder...I guess these nights...

he's doing the same thing...say the same thing...but not to me...=)

Really hope that he remembers when i said that

"i will bless,cherish and pray for U and he,hope

that both of you will have happy ending"...I really mean it...

I guess after STPM everything will be better for me...

as I will never gonna see him anymore...

Everything will end in our secondary and higher secondary and high school...

yet I will still treasure those precious moments of my life....

that he gave me....it makes me grow...stronger....and wiser...

I realised that when a person really likes you....

Anything you do, will touch his heart...

If a person don't like you...

No matter what you do...

It will never touch his heart...

Thanks to all my friend...

I really appreciate those times when they were there for me

when i think of him...

when i miss him...

when i need him beside me...=)

Just like jigsaw puzzle...hehe...

There's a large empty hole...that's him...=T

yet...I have friends...filled in the jigsaw puzzle...

These friends are the friends who

have fill in his place in my heart...=)

Well, it may not be as perfect as before

because there are still some small spaces left empty...

yet i really wanna let my friends to know that

i'm really glad that u guys are there for me....

Who wants to win??

Who wants to win??

I guess most of us wants to win...

Who wants to lose,rite??

I don't want to be a loser...neither you too...

but what's the point of competition??

Creating human who is willing to sacrifise anything to win??

To win...can you sacrifise your energy...??

To win...can you sacrifise your efforts...??

To win...can you sacrifise your time...??

To win...can you even sacrifise your friends??

Some people can...but not me...

I know that once I do things that we regret...

If there's a chance...I will try my best to work things out...

but when things really become very terrible...

there's no turning back...

and i'll regret for the rest of my life....

What's the point of winning??

After sacrifising all I can...

What I get??Compliments??So....

Who cares if you get compliments...

People don't care...

People jealous...

People want to take it away from you...

What's the consequences??

I'll live a miserable life...cause no one will win forever...

people will fall no matter how high you fly...

that includes you and me...

What we get if we lose from the beginning??

Well...We relax...hehe

We observe what other people do to win...(with rude yet scary yet mean tactics)

We realise that we are being used by others to get what they want...

On the same time...=)

We grow up...becoming wise...wiser...and even more wise...hehe...

Friendship...

When i first know a person...
I won't think much bout friendship...
When i know a person longer...
I would love to know even more about that person...
When i really know that person very well...
I will start thinking of maintaining our friendship...
How long this person will be my friend...??
I will think of treating him and her with all that i can...
because i want to keep our friendship until the end of my life...=)
u see...that's why i don't really call my class mates as friend...
I call them my class mates...=T
Well...Friends...
what is friend??
Think properly...what is friend to you??
For me...It is a relation between two or more people
who cares for one and another...and it is rare and hard
to find one who is SincEre...but i found 7 of them...^-^
I want to keep my friendship long...Who don't,rite??
not all friendship can last long...
Because not you and i can control what will happen to our friendship...
Things just don't go the way we want it to...
I can't keep our friendship till the end...
That's what I regret Forever and Ever... until the end of my life....
because there's no turning back between you and me...

Curiosity

If I am a boy...
all those things won't happened on me huh...
If I am a boy...no one would even care bout my existance hor...
Why am I a girl?
because God make me a girl...
because parents genetics carry both XX
Curiosity leads me to this blog...
I'm thinking very hard...
Why would I have this blog at the first place?
I don't really remember anymore...haha
...i used to have great curiosity
but was always stopped
by friends asking me not to be too curious...=)
Thanks to them and him....
Thinking back of the past...
I was really an extremely curious person...
Luckily...I'm not that curious anymore...
I glad for who i am today....=)
Though today I may not be funny...loveable...
or soft-spoken.....
at least I'm frank...i guess...
I'm not a person who is good in using
words to express what i'm thinking and
don't really know how to twist word like other people...
Don't really know how to be a good speaker...
but I always said the truth and
I will try my best to be there for people when they need me...
Sometimes...people hate me for being frank...
I don't know if it's a sin...
but after ALL the time...
Only true friends accept me for the way i am... being frank...hehe
I love you guys...Hugs...Thank you and hugs again..=)

Choir

Since Form 1...I've always admired seniours who'd joined choir...
I love singing...and music is a part of my life...
I can't get it out of me just the same like
I can't get something out of my past...
It seems like choir is not quite important for some people...
They don't care whether they did their best or not...
What they want..just the marks...
but for me...choir is something that is special to me...
We build our teamwork...We build our "keserasian"
to harmonised with one and another...
I'm tired of girls who are trying to make my life miserable...
Since i'm not actually needed somewhere...
Why would I still want to waste my time there
looking at faces that will give me those kind of stare like one kind??
No more weird glance...no more weird stares...
Isn't it great?
I don't need to waste my time to continue something that i like
when it is already contaminated...
My name and reputation already gone...
There's no need to stay at a place where I am not welcome..
If I didn't quit things will be even worst for me
but better for.........people can take advantage on me to get friend's attention...
I won't be so stupid anymore...It's unnescessary...
If I still stay there...War will start...and of course people with <<<<>>>>> wins...
Quitting will avoid me from 10times of even more miserable life...=)
Believe me...
I glad I QUIT...At least dunid to kena tikam...until i die...

Still the same old me...

Sometimes really feel like giving up in life...
Meaningless life...
Just living for the sake of living...
Still alive just because my heart is still beating...
Still alive just because i am still breathing...
Still alive just because I am
not brave enough to kill myself and end my life...
I'm such a pathethic person...

Somehow...something in me just never change huh...
This prooved that I am still who I am...
Didn't changed much...=)
Old friends..I am still the same old me...=)
Rite??
Miss you guys so so much...
You guys...must take good care of ursaf...
Hehe...shocked u guys isn't it?=D
I'm learning to be accept realities and truth...
Didn't run away from the truth like last time...
Can handle things on my own...=)
Love you guys...
Hugs...

Boredom....

I thought Form 6 will be a new chapter in life...
Everything seems to be so nice in the beginning...
but who knows...even me,myself..
I din predicted that this will happened...AGAIN!!
Just the same like last time...
Just hate it when it become like that...
I don't understand...Why me? Why it's always me?
I believe most of my friends will understand me...
Form 6...From the top...fall to the bottom...and
become like nothing hopefull...

Someone who seems nice to you...
doesn't mean you can trust her...
Because...she will betray u at anytime anywhere...
I'm just a human being...
Can't take it so many times in a lifetime...
Enough is enough...