Have You EveR?

Yes..I have...
Have what?
Have you ever experience the feeling of going to die soon...
Yes...I experienced the feeling of going to die soon...

I used to have a big lump at the part below my shoulder...
I thought that I might have breast cancer...
It was pain...and I was really worry...
I keep it to myself...not telling anyone about it...
including the person closest to me, my mother and boyfriend...
I cried by myself...

Then I think to myself...this cannot be...
I'm still young and I haven't repay my parents
for they have take care of me since young...
I also want to take care of them...
I will feel very sad everytime when thinking that my time is coming to an end...

Then I decide too tell my mom...
and expected that she will say I think too much...
And so...I told her...and same as what I've expected...
but this time she touch the lump too...
It's hard...and she's worry too...
Then things go the other way...
Instead of hoping her to comfort me...
I comforted her, telling
"maybe I really think too much...it is no big"

As usual..I go out dating with my boyfriend...
Our relationship just started few months ago...
but our relationship settle down quite fast
because we're committed to each other...
Everytime I met him...
I just give him a smile...
And when I'm in his arm...
I really have no idea of what to do...
I was really sad when I know that I might leave first...
He is so lovely and caring....
I really almost wanted to cry when I spend my time with him...

When reach home...I made a wish that the lump will soon go away...
And not long after I made that wish...the lump is gone...
I know I might have that lump again...but I was relieved...
And in my heart...there's 3 words that
I want to tell my family and my dearest boyfriend...
I love you all...and I know people will grow old...sick...and die...
No one will live forever....and
All I hope is I can spend as much time as I can with you all...
Please do take good care of yourself if one day I'm reli not around...

And to all my dearest friend...Thanks guys...
You guys really helped me alot...
From the top of my life I fell to the bottom of my life...
and you guys get my feet back on the ground
standing stronger than before...Thanks dear all...
I really appreciate our friendships...
Please do take care of yourself too...

What's new ??

Lately...i was busy with trials...
din online for few weeks dy.....

Selvan took off to Canada already....
Wonder how is he doing there....
Can he get use with the altitude there??
It's kind of getting cold at his place...
Hope he wun catch a cold there...
coz nobody can take care of him there....
He's on his own....=(

I really hope that he will always stay strong like he always does...
I know it's not easy to be out there alone....
but i really hope when he feels lonely...
he will think of me and Kerryn....
Think of all the times we had together ^^
and laugh....hehe

Hope....he will stay healthy....
and don't forget about me....

Really hope he can come back Malaysia soon....

-sTuPiD CuPiD-

I'm VeRy FiNe....^ ^

I may look exhausted....
I may seem sad....
I may be weak at times.....
but for sure....
I am very fine....^^

I am happy nowadays....really very happy....
Really feel much better than i ever felt....^^

What i want to do....
is to achieve my aims....^^
with no worries....^^

I can do it....
U too can do it ^^
We can do it ^^

Together....we try our best.....achieve our aims.... ^^

-sTuPiD CuPiD-

''The Summary''

I guess a lot of people is wondering....
and has been asking how....
this two human being don't have any connection...
no similarities...no chance to even talk....
barely even meet each other...
one is a quiet person...
while the other one is one of the busiest girl in school??
how come the both of them can get together??
and just when it happened??
.....and HOW ??
how this and how that...?? hehehe ^^

Well...
haha ^^

What i really want to say is...

THANK YOU ^^
to my Dear...and also
to his friends...especially hamyu ^^
who always helped me
when i needed a helping hand the most^^
i won't forget u guys after having a bf...^^
and the most important of all....
thanks to my Dearest Dear again...hehe ^^

this nice and silly guy...
he accepted all her flaws...
and also promised to spoil her...
and even treat her like a princess....
isn't he sweet?? ^^
i'm so lucky that i've found this guy...^^

Hmm...to some of u who is curious...
I came up with a summary... haha ^^

and here it is

'the summary'...^^

She was a girl who don't believe in relationships...
She was a girl who erm...dislikes guys....^^
because she thinks that guys are
playboys...and irresponsible...
and the worse of all....she thinks that
guys who already have gf
will still flirt around with other girls...

Well...this girl...she don't really think that
any guy will worth her time...
her effort...
and her feelings anymore...
but one day....
after 8 months studying Form 6 in SABS...
she suddenly noticed the existence of this special person...
a nice person...who has exactly, the same phobia...=T
who is very quiet...who is not a playboy...^^
and then....slowly....
she started to know this guy more and more... ^^


And here she is...together with that Mr. Nice Guy ^^
With 6 things on the "List To Do" ....^^
Hehe...what 6 things to do?? ^^
It's secret between the both of US.... ^^

Accept you the way you are...
Love you the way you are...^^

A New Journey waiting for me...

Another day had passed...

Another day begin...

The past is still the past...

The future is unpredictable....

Nothing is for sure...but

what for sure is...

A new journey is waiting for me ahead...

How many days i'll have to go??Wish i can come back earlier...

How many days left before holidays end??

How many new things i will learn this time??

How will the masks look like??Can i believe their taste??

How's with the sponsors??Anyone i can count on??

How is my friend??Do they think of me when i'm not around??

How everything will be when i'm not here??

How will i survive one day without online??

How will i be when i come back??Tanned??and dirty...

Everything is full of question marks....

How if this happen...?

and how if that happen...?

No one can predict future....and

the best thing is....

nothing is for sure...

Anything impossible can be possible.....

but still must stick to the ground...

Do not let myself travel too deep into my own fantasy world...^^

-sTuPiD CuPiD-

stick to the ground

How many 10 years??

How many 10 years do you have??
How many 10 years do you think you still have??

What are you doing now??
Where are you now??
Is this what you want to be forever??
Just a nobody...
a Nobody to anyone...
a Nobody to this society...
a Nobody to this world...
is this what you really want to be??
a Mr. or Miss Nobody??

U just have a few 10 years in this world...

and u just want to be a Nobody??

Are you sure??

Me...
I hope that i can be a Somebody...
a Somebody to someone...
a Somebody to this society...
I hope people will know who i am...(nothing to do with famous)
I hope people will feel that they are happy when i'm around...
I hope people will feel at ease when i'm around...

I don't hope that people will question who i am...

I don't want to be anyone's enemy...

I only have a few 10 years...

I want to enjoy my life...

I don't want to get hurt anymore...

I will avoid from being hurt...
That's why u will think that i'm rude when i do so...
I know that sometimes I'm really very mean and rude...
but what else i can do??
I don't want to get hurt...
of course must learn how to protect myself from being hurt....
Being rude and mean is one of the ways....to avoid it...
That's why only certain people who really knows me...
They will understand...
They will accept me for the way i am...
and they will back me up...

I only have a few of 10 years...
I don't want to live them with sadness...
I want to live them with as much happiness as i can...

How many 10 years i have??
Anything can happen at anytime...
i can die maybe on the next second...who knows, right?
If the maximum...i maybe have six to eight 10 years...
How many 10 years i still have??
Next year...i wun have 'teen' anymore...
Anything can happen at anytime...
i maybe will die before my 20th birthday...who knows, right?
If maximum...i maybe still have four to six 10 years...

So...how many 10 years do you have??
Appreciate your life...
Live them to the fullest...
Don't be an aimless person....
Try to find your direction...
Try to find out who you want to be...
and be what you want to be...


-sTuPiD CuPiD-
How many 10 years??

SABS MASQUERADE CHARITY NIGHT

the day your fantasies come to life...

~ step in to unleash a mysterious journey...

~ allow the mystique-ness awe you...

~ and witness the magicall moment swirl...

Venue : MS Garden Astana Ballroom (5th Floor)
Date : 27th of June 2009

Time : 7.00 pm onwards

Ticket Price : RM 60

*18 and above OnLy*

For more information...

Please contact

: Simon 016-9603556

: Cherryl 016-9349943

-sTuPiD CuPiD-

can't wait for PROM ^^

LoNeLiNesss...

Thinking of future...

What i want to become??

What i want to have??

What i want to believe??

and who i will be with??

The answers are leading me more and more...

nearer and nearer...

closer and even closer....

to myself...

What i want to become??

I already have the answer...

It's in me...

my personalities...

shows me...of what i am capable of...

what i can do...

and what i can't do...

my limitations...

and i don't stop myself working....

to get more and more of what i want...

and to know more and more of what i want....

and to think of more and more of it....

What i want to have??

and what i want to believe??

I already have the answers...

Just finding for more evidence to proove myself

that what i want to have and what i want to believe

worth my efforts....

worth my time...

and worth my sacrifises....

but just somehow...

someone...will always turn their back on me....

and break my believe and faith into small pieces...

and again...

i have to pick them up one by one small piece...

and to put them back again...

so many time wasted...

and it will happen again, again and again...

With who i will be with??

Everyone is asking me this...

BUT

it's no longer important...

it's impossible to have my faith...

it's impossible to have my 100%...

it's impossible...

-FRIENDSHIP-

i'm still awaiting for more and more...friends

i'm still building stronger and stronger...bonds

i'm still keeping aLL of you...with me

don't leave me behind...

because no one should be left behind...

~sTuPiD~

FeeLing The LoNeLiNess

Mid-Year...T.T

It's coming....
It's next week....
Mid-year exam is around the corner....
For those clever freaks...
They will say that they don't care bout it...
Why?Becoz it's just an exam....
It's not the real test...

Oh Me Gosh....
Are they sure??
Well...they r just being sarcastic...
bcoz their results....always very consistent...
always will be one of the top....
I feel that no matter what exam or test it is...
We should try our very best to score...
Why would i said so??
Bcoz if we can score those questions...
means we have good basic knowledge about that subject...
It's important to have good basics...
but i don't have...Pathetic....Sigh

Lately...Very hectic...Time xtremely pack...
Add on with the 4pm school ending time...
Oh Me Gosh...I need to breath...
I have no time for my hamsters...
I have no time for Taekwondo...
I have no time for things i like
and whatever that i've planned to do...
study etc..Many people around scolded me...
erm...advice me i mean....
Well...i have to admit that they do care about me...
I know it's for my own good...
I wish I could....I wish i could study...
but i'm stuck...besides tired...
I can't remember anything that I've read....
Frustrated....Tired...Disappointed....
Wad else can I feel??

I won't be as lucky as before forever....


Afraid if i will fail my Accounts again...
If I fail this time...
I really afraid that i will give up on Accounts dy...
Afraid....but i don't want to give up...
I want to do better...but
I don't think i can...
i won't be as lucky as before...
I will figure it out then...
there must be a way...
there must be a solution...
there must be something that I can do...



-sTuPiD-
.....hoping....

False Alarm....

How Beautiful Dreams Are...

I think it's time already...

i really needed to rest...

This false alarm really helped me...

by waking me up

from falling into deeper dreams....

Dreams are beautiful....

They are perfect....

They are somehow nice...

but it's very ironically...from reality...

Dreams...

to me...

they are fake hope...

Somehow...hurtful...yet fantastic...

In dreams...

I have what i want...

In dreams...

I get what I wish...

In realities...

Dreams are not real...

They are just some

sort of whatever dreams

that u can call it a motivation...

Motivation to make ur dreams become real....in real world...

No matter what...

Do not let yourself being carried too much by your dreams...

or else u will be living in your own dream world....

instead of facing the cruel yet real world...the realities...

Here I am...awake from dreams...

Facing the cruel world...

cruel realities...

Trying my best to make my dreams real in real world...realities...

-sTuPiD-

Stop...

I think it's time...

It's time to put the word "stop" in my dictionary...

This "stop" will be use for something

that might cause me of losing myself again...

So...Let's call a "stop" now

before i'm really into that something...

Happy of being who I am...

A proactive or whatsoever

u can also call me a person who takes initiatives...

Likes people of the same type as i am...

will grab chance when it's there...

and will find for chance...

instead of waiting....

Maybe it's not the right thing...

Maybe it's not the right time...

and maybe it's not the suitable condition...

Don't want to force unnecessary things to happen...

So...just friend...Unless it is really the right time...

Focus...

That is what i need the most...for now...

About other stuff...

No one should interfere or help...

It will only make things worse...

I like being just friend....bcoz

I need friend more than anything else...

^-^

-sTuPiD-

Me...

ME...

in restaurant...

in car...

in room...

in class...(not my classroom)


in nature...^-^
Love Green Earth...
It's ought to protect Earth!!



at the beach...


Long time didn't syok sendiri dy...
Really wanna syok sendiri syok syok with Best Friends one day...
One day..
^-^

Ps: Best Friends: Remember the "One Day" that i've been waiting for??

That "One Day" finally...Finally arrived...

I have finally free myself from that 'nightmare'...

Thanks guys...Hugs...

Love you all so so much...^-^

- sTuPiD -

Can't sLeep...

Don't know what happened to me...
I've been rolling on my bed since 11.40 pm...
I wanted to sLeep...but...
I just can't sLeep...
Restless....
Tired...


Wish I can sLeep like a baby now...


-sTuPiD-

Time to decide....

...have BiG DreaMs...
want them to be ReaL...
NoThing is ImPossibLe...
I won't give up...
If i give up now...
All my hard work...
Alll my efforts...
All my energy...
All my time...
and all that i've done...
will be wasted...
After so much....
so much that i've been through....
I won't give up...

...have BiG DreaMs...
want them to be Real...
NoThing is ImPossibLe...
It's time for me to decide my own future...


-sTuPiD-

Sunrise??Sunset??

Sunrise??

Sunset??

Sunrise??

Sunset??

Sunset or sunrise??
Depends on u to judge...
Why is it a sunset??
Why is it a sunrise??
Well...
all depends on how u want to think...
For me...
Sunset or sunrise makes no difference...
The most important thing is...
I am still alive...
and
I am moving on....
Without him...
I can still survive...

Sunset or sunrise??
It's not important to me anymore...
The most important thing is...
I am still alive...
and
I am moving on...



-sTuPiD-

I can??Can I??

Be MySeLf...and Try My BesT...^-^

After struggling from the bottom to the top...

since Lower Six until now...

Finally...first time...

I get B for Accounts Paper 1...

That was nice...

but it was bcoz the questions were easy...

I'm not saying that i'm clever...

What i'm saying here is that...

I mean...the questions given in our monthly test

is not as hard as the real STPM standard...

There's nothing tricky in the question...

while the real STPM...

consists of many tricky informations...

Finally...in April Test...

First time in my history...

PNGK

I get 3.33...

Lower Six first test was 2.83...then is 1.67...

Then February was 2.5 sumting...

and April Test 3.33...

How to maintain??

Easy to say...but hard to do...

Who doesn't know to get good results we must sacrifise??

Who doesn't know to get a good boy/girl friend

must have good characteristics and noble qualities...

Who doesn't know education is for a better tomorrow??

Who doesn't know your mom is a woman??

Well...give up??

I don't want to give up yet...

but i'm tired...

but I have no time to rest anymore....

Counting down to STPM...

there's only 192 days left...

How to rest??

How to keep up??

How to maintain and become even better??

Be myself...and try my best??

haha...ya rite...

Have faith...

That's the only thing i can do...

-sTuPiD cUpId-

FinaLLy ^-^

I have companions...^-^
My sister needs to pay attention on her course...
She doesn't have enough time
to take care of her two little hamsters...
i will be helping her
to take care of them for the mean while...
will return them to her....after her course finish...
means i will still lose my companions after a few months...

Hoping by that time when i return them to her...
I will found a new companion....^-^
hehe



-sTuPiD-

^-^ Love it....Love him...

Toto and Maru ^-^

Eating 'mom mom'

Sleeping ZzzZzz

Cleaning 'xi shua shua'

Playing ^-^

Aww...They are SooooOOOooo Cute..^^

This two hamsters belongs to my eldest sister, Carmen...

I really like her hamsters...

Well...they r cute, lovely...

And best of all...

They are harmless...

Back in Standard 3....1999

I had a hamster...

named Fei Zai..hehe

It's very cute..has greyish white hair

and kinda plump...

Very lazy...

Dislikes exercise...

but loves to sleep...

and I love it the way it is...^^

When i have no one to talk with...

I will talk to it...

I will play with it...

I'll let it run around my room...

Looking at it...calms me down...

& Makes me happy ^-^

Really very sad when i lose it...

My only companion...

The only one who will listen to me when I'm sad...

Well...pity him...

He was forced to listened to whatever I said

because he can't say 'no'...hehe

Miss it so much....

Want to buy myself a new companion...

but if it die...

I can't take that anymore...

First Try...^-^

Finding for the one that i like...
The complexion...
The size...and the most important one...
The feel of course....

First Touch....
It was very hard...and kind of heavy...
Placing finges in the correct place...
The correct position of doing it...
Wow...It was so fun...

Belum cuba...
Belum tahu...
Cuba sekali...
Mahu lagi... ^-^

It's BowLinG...haha
I went with Goh and Khoo...
That was my Very First Time playing BowLing...
Kinda bad...but nvrm...
I will try to do better in future...


Jadi mestilah cuba baru tahu...^-^
Hehe...


-sTuPiD-
^-^

3D-The darkest deep down...

How helpless i was....
standing there can't do anything...

Everybody must have the thought of
"padan muka" on that time...
Ya right...Indeed...
Just want to do something for friend....
Want them to spend their special day
LIKE a special day
INSTEAD of passing the special day
just like a NORMAL day...
I guess all people know
the feelings of celebrating special day ALONE...
I felt it much...Don't want anybody to be like me....

Still remember in form 4 and form 5...
I was a disaster...
Still remember i'm always
the target when it comes to discipline...

Knowing that Form 6 is a chance
for me to have a new beginning...
I've changed myself...

Become a lil different from what i was...

Not the best...
but at least better than the "ponteng school" girl rite??
Now...I am the "ponteng class"girl...
Next time...I maybe won't have any nick name anymore...
but time are not given...
I must be like this, this, this and that now...

Now....at this moment
Now....at this hour
Now...at this second
I'm just a human being...
To let go of someone...
it took me few years...
Now...to really change myself...
Do u think i can do it in a second??

Afraid that I will lose myself again like last time...

Trying my best to keep myself the way i am now...
Tired...and wanted to give up...
but still holding on bcoz i really want to have a better life...
Really don't want to be who i was...
It was the worst nightmare ...
Does anybody understand??
Not only people around me...
Even me,myself...
Wanted to change too...desperately...

Ker...I miss you...
At least u can lend me ur shoulders when i wanted to cry...
Can't wait for u to come back...
I can't stand back-stabbed and being embarrase anymore....

-sTuPiD-
feeling even worse day by day....
hope that time can pass even faster...
want to get out of there asap....
don't want to go there anymore...T.T

Where is The Promised of Happiness??

Shuo Hao De Xing Fu Ne???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1iRWjx6LFM

From this song...

It reminds me of something...

Something that was very important to me...

No 1 in my life....
My priority...
My everything...

Where'd you go??

I always ask myself....

Where'd you been??

I always wonder....

Where is our Love??

Where is it?

Where has it gone to??

Where r u??
Where you've gone??

Now I know...

You are gone....

to Heaven...

Once, someone left you and

went to a place that is very very far away...

beyond a place where you and me can reach....

that U couldn't hear me calling u anymore....

the place named Heaven...

So I guess...

There it is...My Love...in the Heaven...

Thanks To God...

I finally found New Loves....

that is not the special one...but

it's friends....and very close ones....

They're there when i'm lost...

Finding for u...

They're there supporting me...

When i'm lonely...

When i needed u...the most
They're there....

The Past....It's was A Part of Me...

It was a part of me where u were there for me...

but it will not be A Part of Me anymore...
it will not be A Part of My Future...

Those promises that we've made....

I will keep them in me forever....

and it is burried in me forever....

still it is deep down...i didn't forget them...

it's in a place deep down in me...

I call it the grave....

So that's it....

The end of our Promises....

Deep Down In Heart

Good Bye

-sTuPiD CuPiD-

Friendship...

This accident gave me nightmares for the rest of my life...

A friend of mine asked me this question...
"Do you think that friendship is fragile?"

My answer is "Yes, friendship is fragile"...
Why would i said so??
It's simple...
because i've gain a lot of experience...
A lot of so called "Friends" of mine turned their back on me...
They are no longer in my life anymore...
but what happened last time is that
when they don't need me...they will just act like
they didn't saw me even when walking pass beside me...
but when they need somebody...
they will realise that i'm the only one who is there for them...
because their so called "Friends" dumped them and back stabbed them...
Isn't this funny??

Some of my friends asked me...
Why am I so good?....Still forgive people that treated me badly...
I answered because i wish that they will realised
what is True Friend and what is not...


But somehow...
they will still go back to their BXX-chy friend...
i just don't understand...
Why want to be so desperate??
For fame??For what??
I have no idea..
until now...i still don't find that if they are close
with one another like my friend and i...so sad rite??
knowing a person for few years...
but still like strangers...or maybe
they will only come and find you
when they need a favour from you....
(She is just using you only)-This happened to me many times...
Believe me...It's not nice...


I hate those kind of people...
When i know any of these kind of person....
I rather not to continue being friend with him or her anymore...
because i know that that person suck....etc...aderlah...
Orang yang saya takkan maafkan dan
orang yang saya tak akan bercakap dengan
walaupun sehingga pada hari saya mati....
Let me tell you...You are useless...and hopelesss...
and best of all...you sucks...
"I will never let you to be in my life ever again
to have the chance to hurt me or ever use me again..."
This is what i promised myself...
and i will always keep this to myself until the day i die...
because i hate of being use and being hurt...
Somehow...I'm afraid if i already have a new phobia...
That is afraid of getting friends...=T
Don't ever dream that i will forgive you or talk to you anymore...
Because you cause me to have nightmares...
and i hate you...


To those who are blur and don't really know me...
This is what i want to tell to some people out there
who used me and turned their back on me...
Don't think too much...
You are not the one that i'm mentioning...
Well...i'm just so frustrated....
Writing all these on blog just for me to express my feelings....
Nothing else...No offence...

If you really do read my blog from the begginning...
I guess you should realise that i'm kind of negative....
or you can also say that i'm a quite pessimist kind of person...
I can't help it...I just can't...
I was betrayed, being used and being stabbed...
Those incidents really left deep and ugly scars on me....
Need time to slowly recover....



-sTuPiD-
eMo-Mo0Dy

A Walk To Remember...

A Walk To Remember

Only Hope

Actually...I watched this movie about 4 years ago....

This movie was introduced by a special friend to me

back in 4years ago...

I guess this movie really touches my heart

because the story is about watching the love ones dying of leuchemia...

It was almost the same as "One Litres Of Tears"....

Both men have to face the pain of losing the one they love...

seeing them slowly dying....

Slowly losing their love ones day by day...

In reality...such cases happen too....

but if this happens to me...

I will choose to keep it to myself...

because I don't want my love ones to know

and suffer knowing that they are losing me slowly

day by day...

That is so cruel to them...

because if i am at their shoes...

I will feel useless...

and will suffer knowing

that I'm slowly losing him or her...

Love is always patient and kind...

It is NEVER jealous...

Love is not boastful or concieted...

It is never rude or selfish...

It does not take offense...

It is not restful...

"Appreciate the one you love when you still have the chance...

Don't regret when it is too late..."

Last episode...

The very final thing i remember
that he said to me was...
"If u still message me...Then u know lar..."
I was so....i don't know how to
express my feelings in words...
It was like more than 10 Samurai was
stabbed into my heart...
Is that him??Is that really the him that
I've been loving for all these years??
I feel so meaningless loving him unconditionally...
I feel so breathless...after listening to those heart-breaking words...
I don't know what to do...
I don't know what reaction to give...
Should I cry??I have no tears...
I was going to faint...but i can't...
I can't be weak in front of him...
I don't want to beg him to be with me...
I don't want his sympathy...
And I guess there it comes the end of
our almost 6 years of feelings
and there it goes my Only Hope...

After he has talked so clearly to Shik Mei...
Shik Mei then live her life like a living zombie...
but luckily she still has her friends with her...
They always support her...
And there she goes...now...she can stand on her own again...

Though her smiles are not real from her heart as before...
Though she's not as strong as before...
Though she's not as happy as before...
Though she's not as confident as before...
Though she has phobia in trusting guys and

always doubt their abilities...

She still moves on....

For her...in her heart...
her Darling has died
back in a few years ago in 2006...
and the person that she meet almost everyday
is just somebody who looks alike like her Darling...



The End...

Nocturnes...

A song named "Nocturnes"...
Lyrics written by Fang Wen Shan...

and the music is written and is sang by "Jay Chou"...

This song is about how he actually misses his dead girl friend...

Well...based from what I understand on the lyrics and mtv...=)

For me...singing this song

reminds me of a person who was very close to me...

yet already changed...

Can said that it's the same like

that person already leave me

to a place that is very far away from me...

I can never talk or hear him anymore...

I will never, in my life see him smile again

like how he used to smile to me...

The image of him smiling to me

will still appear in my mind

when i didn't realised that i was actually thinking of him...=T

....and i already burried him in me...my heart...

He will stay in me as one part of me forever...

Hmm...well I think that it's a good thing to have idol...hehe...

We should encourage young people to have idol...

so that they will have hope...just like me...hehe

Listening to 'his' songs is just the same like

listening to what i want to say...

All 'his' songs...

Brings me back to life...

I was once a 'dead' human...

erm...u can also said that i was once a 'living zombie'...hehe

I think that 'he' should be called as the second music genius...haha...

'He' has created so many differnet kind of songs...

'His' songs and musics are supreme...

i'm really deeply in love with them....hehe

If u want to know what I mean...just click here for

nocturnes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn9GT-3-I1M&feature=related

jay chou playing piano with yu hao:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhXNMcl9Et0

and you will understand why i like 'him' so so much....^-^

"Episode One"

Haha...
I still remember on the other day...
a friend of mine asked me to write a story about my love life...
I was thinking very hard to think of what i want to write...
but nothing nice appears on my mind...
Those that were on my mind was mostly
of sadness, loneliness and crying moments...

As time passed...
I keep trying to remember those nice and happy moments
that i used to spent when i'm not alone...

Finally...I realised that those were the past...
It's normal that i couldn't remember everything that already passed...
No matter wad.. I will still complete this story of my life...
as I've promised you...hehe
Erm....I can't finish telling this story at once...
but I will create episodes from it...=)

So here it is "Episode One"....


EPISODE ONE

Think back of it...like it just happened yesterday...^-^
Still remember when i received letter from teacher to inform
that SABS will be my secondary school a few days before primary school ended...
I was so proud of myself when i received that letter and knowing that
there's only a few of us from Methodist Girl Primary School
who made it into that school makes me feel sad...
One of happiness and one of sadness...
I tried my best to take and keep as many pictures
as i can with my closest friends...
On the last day of primary school...
I remember hugging a few of my class mates before leaving school with tears and
hope that we will meet again...

Preparation for secondary school...^-^
This is the best part...
SHOPPING...
...but....my family financial condition is not good...
We need to spend every penny we have very carefully....
but everything that is needed were bought...=)
Appreciate what we have...^-^
Appreciate every single little thing that our parents try to give us and gave us...
Appreciate when we still have the chance... or else it would be too late when you realised this when they're gone...
That's all for now...the end of Episode One...

Episode Two...will be coming very soon....^-^

What will I become Without You??

A few of my friends asked me this...
"Have you ever regret that you ever _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ?"
My answer is "No, I never regret."=)
Why I never regret??
Because of those experience....
Those moments when i needed somebody but no one is there for me...
Those are of those that make me become stronger...
At least i'm not as "tofu" as Form 1...hehe


I really appreciate every single thing that is given to me and all those precious moments that i can keep until the end of my life make me realised that we need to grab the chance when we have the chance or else the chance will disappear...


Besides, i oso realised that true friends are hard to get and
only a few person in your life will be your true friend until
the end of your life...

Conclusion...
Realised that difficulties and problems can make us become stronger...
Realised that chance are yours to get them when they are around and
not to find them when they're gone...
Realised that those people who is always try to be around with you
when you are lonely, sad and happy is true friends that you will never get elsewhere...


_sTuPiD_

EARTH HOUR

EARTH HOUR

I will switch off my lights...Will u switch off your lights??

^-^

I'm willing to do anything...

To make Earth a better place...

and this is so easy...

I just need to switch off the lights only..haha

Not His..Not Mine Anymore....

Are you looking at the same moon as I do??

I don't really know why suddenly so emo...
but i really felt something when i received
e-mails or msgs that have anything to do with couple...

Today I received an e-mail from a friend

titled "How u know when a person fancies u"...

I'm kind of down when i read that e-mail...

because those were the things that I used to do....

Those were the things that he used to do...but not anymore...

We've become like strangers...but what i can tell is that

he is a stranger that i'm know well....

It's not that i know everything about him...

it's just that I couldn't forget how close we used to be...

Those nights when we used to hang on the phone....

Those arguments when it used to happened

because of me....I admit, i was childish...haha...

but he will always said that it was his faults...

Those laughters when we used to have when

i don't even know why we laughed...haha

Those nights when we don't even talk about anything important...

but yet we can talk for several hours...

Those nights when u used to play the songs....

and we together listened to it...

because we have nothing better to say....

Those nights...when we end up saying "Good Night, Sweet Dream"^-^

Those nights when u don't call me anymore......
Those were the nights where i used to calm myself down...

Persuade myself...convincing myself...that u are not the same...

That u already have someone else....

That U r no longer mine...and I'm no longer yours...

I know...and have already accepted the fact that

he and I have really came to an end last year...

but...I'm always caught with problems...

that i thought i can still share with him...

Last time...when i was down...

he will do anything just to make me smile again...

but he is not like that anymore...

I know...I know...I really know...

and Already accepted this fact that he's not mine anymore...

I'm not his anymore...yet I always wonder...I guess these nights...

he's doing the same thing...say the same thing...but not to me...=)

Really hope that he remembers when i said that

"i will bless,cherish and pray for U and he,hope

that both of you will have happy ending"...I really mean it...

I guess after STPM everything will be better for me...

as I will never gonna see him anymore...

Everything will end in our secondary and higher secondary and high school...

yet I will still treasure those precious moments of my life....

that he gave me....it makes me grow...stronger....and wiser...

I realised that when a person really likes you....

Anything you do, will touch his heart...

If a person don't like you...

No matter what you do...

It will never touch his heart...

Thanks to all my friend...

I really appreciate those times when they were there for me

when i think of him...

when i miss him...

when i need him beside me...=)

Just like jigsaw puzzle...hehe...

There's a large empty hole...that's him...=T

yet...I have friends...filled in the jigsaw puzzle...

These friends are the friends who

have fill in his place in my heart...=)

Well, it may not be as perfect as before

because there are still some small spaces left empty...

yet i really wanna let my friends to know that

i'm really glad that u guys are there for me....

Who wants to win??

Who wants to win??

I guess most of us wants to win...

Who wants to lose,rite??

I don't want to be a loser...neither you too...

but what's the point of competition??

Creating human who is willing to sacrifise anything to win??

To win...can you sacrifise your energy...??

To win...can you sacrifise your efforts...??

To win...can you sacrifise your time...??

To win...can you even sacrifise your friends??

Some people can...but not me...

I know that once I do things that we regret...

If there's a chance...I will try my best to work things out...

but when things really become very terrible...

there's no turning back...

and i'll regret for the rest of my life....

What's the point of winning??

After sacrifising all I can...

What I get??Compliments??So....

Who cares if you get compliments...

People don't care...

People jealous...

People want to take it away from you...

What's the consequences??

I'll live a miserable life...cause no one will win forever...

people will fall no matter how high you fly...

that includes you and me...

What we get if we lose from the beginning??

Well...We relax...hehe

We observe what other people do to win...(with rude yet scary yet mean tactics)

We realise that we are being used by others to get what they want...

On the same time...=)

We grow up...becoming wise...wiser...and even more wise...hehe...

Friendship...

When i first know a person...
I won't think much bout friendship...
When i know a person longer...
I would love to know even more about that person...
When i really know that person very well...
I will start thinking of maintaining our friendship...
How long this person will be my friend...??
I will think of treating him and her with all that i can...
because i want to keep our friendship until the end of my life...=)
u see...that's why i don't really call my class mates as friend...
I call them my class mates...=T
Well...Friends...
what is friend??
Think properly...what is friend to you??
For me...It is a relation between two or more people
who cares for one and another...and it is rare and hard
to find one who is SincEre...but i found 7 of them...^-^
I want to keep my friendship long...Who don't,rite??
not all friendship can last long...
Because not you and i can control what will happen to our friendship...
Things just don't go the way we want it to...
I can't keep our friendship till the end...
That's what I regret Forever and Ever... until the end of my life....
because there's no turning back between you and me...

Curiosity

If I am a boy...
all those things won't happened on me huh...
If I am a boy...no one would even care bout my existance hor...
Why am I a girl?
because God make me a girl...
because parents genetics carry both XX
Curiosity leads me to this blog...
I'm thinking very hard...
Why would I have this blog at the first place?
I don't really remember anymore...haha
...i used to have great curiosity
but was always stopped
by friends asking me not to be too curious...=)
Thanks to them and him....
Thinking back of the past...
I was really an extremely curious person...
Luckily...I'm not that curious anymore...
I glad for who i am today....=)
Though today I may not be funny...loveable...
or soft-spoken.....
at least I'm frank...i guess...
I'm not a person who is good in using
words to express what i'm thinking and
don't really know how to twist word like other people...
Don't really know how to be a good speaker...
but I always said the truth and
I will try my best to be there for people when they need me...
Sometimes...people hate me for being frank...
I don't know if it's a sin...
but after ALL the time...
Only true friends accept me for the way i am... being frank...hehe
I love you guys...Hugs...Thank you and hugs again..=)

Choir

Since Form 1...I've always admired seniours who'd joined choir...
I love singing...and music is a part of my life...
I can't get it out of me just the same like
I can't get something out of my past...
It seems like choir is not quite important for some people...
They don't care whether they did their best or not...
What they want..just the marks...
but for me...choir is something that is special to me...
We build our teamwork...We build our "keserasian"
to harmonised with one and another...
I'm tired of girls who are trying to make my life miserable...
Since i'm not actually needed somewhere...
Why would I still want to waste my time there
looking at faces that will give me those kind of stare like one kind??
No more weird glance...no more weird stares...
Isn't it great?
I don't need to waste my time to continue something that i like
when it is already contaminated...
My name and reputation already gone...
There's no need to stay at a place where I am not welcome..
If I didn't quit things will be even worst for me
but better for.........people can take advantage on me to get friend's attention...
I won't be so stupid anymore...It's unnescessary...
If I still stay there...War will start...and of course people with <<<<>>>>> wins...
Quitting will avoid me from 10times of even more miserable life...=)
Believe me...
I glad I QUIT...At least dunid to kena tikam...until i die...

Still the same old me...

Sometimes really feel like giving up in life...
Meaningless life...
Just living for the sake of living...
Still alive just because my heart is still beating...
Still alive just because i am still breathing...
Still alive just because I am
not brave enough to kill myself and end my life...
I'm such a pathethic person...

Somehow...something in me just never change huh...
This prooved that I am still who I am...
Didn't changed much...=)
Old friends..I am still the same old me...=)
Rite??
Miss you guys so so much...
You guys...must take good care of ursaf...
Hehe...shocked u guys isn't it?=D
I'm learning to be accept realities and truth...
Didn't run away from the truth like last time...
Can handle things on my own...=)
Love you guys...
Hugs...

Boredom....

I thought Form 6 will be a new chapter in life...
Everything seems to be so nice in the beginning...
but who knows...even me,myself..
I din predicted that this will happened...AGAIN!!
Just the same like last time...
Just hate it when it become like that...
I don't understand...Why me? Why it's always me?
I believe most of my friends will understand me...
Form 6...From the top...fall to the bottom...and
become like nothing hopefull...

Someone who seems nice to you...
doesn't mean you can trust her...
Because...she will betray u at anytime anywhere...
I'm just a human being...
Can't take it so many times in a lifetime...
Enough is enough...